Sound and Fury

Signifying nothing

Miscellaneous things that annoy me

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I thought I’d complain some more, because I’m annoyed by more than just shoes and grammar.

  • Hands-free phone headsets (unless you’re in a car, in which case it’s annoying if you’re not using one, not to mention illegal). It just bothers me seeing people walking round talking to themselves. I am particularly annoyed by those bluetooth ones that you stick over your ear. They’re like a little futuristic sign saying “I’m a cock.” Also, if you are wearing one of them and not on the phone, you are doubly cock-ish.
  • Top Gear using DJ Shadow and the Fight Club soundtrack as background music. Stop comandeering good if fairly obscure music snippets for your televisual midlife crisis!
  • George Lamb. Go away silly man. I have to actually get out of bed to turn off my radio when Shaun Keaveny’s show finishes at 10. So I suppose that’s a good thing. I don’t even know where to begin with Monsieur Lamb. Everything about his show irritates me.
  • If I can see your boxers, you are a twat.
  • The longer it takes to you to order a coffee the more of a twat you are. “Double Espresso” fine. (Incidentally, if you say “expresso” I don’t like you.) “Large Filter Coffee” no problem. “Latte” Alright. “Decaf Semi-Skimmed Goat’s Milk Mocha-choco-frappe-twatto-soya-latte” You are a twat.
  • Those wheely suitcases. But only small ones. I have a big wheely-bag and it is great for carrying lots of stuff around (unless stairs are involved). My issue is with the really small ones, like laptop case sized. PICK THE DAMN THING UP YOU LAZY MAGGOT. If the handle you hold the bag by when wheeling it is longer than the bag is tall, you are a lazy bastard. Also, when you change direction, the people directly behind you to the side are likely to be tripped up by your cretin-bag. And of course, because you’re wheeling a bag around, you are likely to be moving slower than I am. Which is also annoying. Those wheely bags are designed to make it easier to carry around large heavy bags. The little ones can’t possibly be carrying enough that you couldn’t pick it up and carry it, or at least get a shoulder strap. Trailing your laptop or whatever behind you like that is just obnoxious. I hope someone steals your computer and uses your credit cards and sends rude emails to your family with it.

And in other news, I was made aware of another stupid holiday. I like this one. Pretend to be a Time Traveller day.

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Written by Seamus

July 29, 2008 at 9:36 am

Posted in annoying, pointless holidays

Tagged with ,

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